Post-Valentine's Day Revelations: Why I Love Being Single

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I know many people that subscribe to the belief that no one really wants to be single. That people that say they do are just trying to make themselves feel better. That deep down, everyone wishes they had someone.

Some people scoff at me when I genuinely tell them that I love being single. They ask me if I truly, honestly do, and my official answer is yes, for now.

I was watching the show Parenthood one night a few months back. I had recently moved back to Fargo, living at my parents' house, and still pretty jolted from my sudden move home and major life changes. I had just popped myself a bowl of popcorn, put on my pajama pants, and was reading a new self help book I got in the mail on the commercial breaks.

There was a scene were Amber is on a mini-golf date with her new hunk love interest. And as he, of course, helped her with her lame putting skills; she turned around, their lips touched, a moment was shared, and then it cut to a commercial break. The moment was ruined by some crappy commercial about, oh, dish soap or something, and I noticed that I was leaning forward, eyes wide open, lips slightly apart, eyebrows raised, and holding my breath. Swept away in the young love romance.

Once aware of this, I took a heavy sigh and leaned back, noticed the popcorn crumbles all over my pajama pant lap, glanced at my book titled "How to Make Every Man Want You," and started laughing. Out loud. To myself. *Side note- Don't judge. It's just lame title to get people reading the book. It's really about being fulfilled and happy on your own. And it's good. So shut up.*

I started laughing because a) what a stereotypical single girl scene that was and b) it was the first time I realized that I love being single.

I still can't pinpoint exactly what it was about that moment that made me so happy, but that was when I finally started to embrace the idea that I could be happier on my own. That right now in my life, it's what I want.

The day after Valentine's Day marked the one year mark of me being single. Yeah, I know. The day after Valentine's Day. We knew how to do it.

I dealt with the breakup like any woman in her mid-20s should, with other guys. I had no desire to jump into another serious relationship right away, but I had to feel like I still "got it." So I went out a lot. And I didn't just go on dates. I surrounded myself with people constantly. And for a while, it was good for me. I made wonderful new friends, had great adventures, kissed a lot of cute boys, and felt a sense of freedom that I hadn't really ever felt before.

I even tried having a boyfriend for a little while. He was great, but I quickly learned that I wasn't quite ready for that just yet. I also learned that when I really like someone get kinda cray cray. *That's cool kid talk for crazy.* It's oh so easy for me to jump back into revolving my life around someone and ignoring the things that are really important to me. Their life consumes me, and honestly, I don't like who I am when I'm like that.

So it took a year of socially galavanting about and a killer Valentine's Day to make me chill a bit.

I'll admit, I wasn't looking forward to Valentine's Day this year. I hadn't had a "single" V-Day in four years. I knew it would make me all reflective on this past year and lame and who knows what else, but it turned out to be one of the best I've ever had.

After work, I had the most delightful dinner date with my father. He's the bee's knees and really knows how to make a gal feel special. Later I met up with some of the best people on the planet and listened to some of the best live music on the planet. Great food, great people, great music, what more could you want?

Me with the lovely and talented Raining Jane
One of the bands was an all-female group called Raining Jane from California. They blew my mind. They were beautiful, talented, and their songs were so moving and therapeutic that it moved me to tears. I got to spend a lot of time with them throughout the weekend, along with other very inspiring women musicians, and it was just want I needed.

They all reminded me of what is possible when you tune into what you have to offer the world. What can happen when you aren't obsessing over some guy or being so social that you have no time for yourself. That there is so much love in this world, it's almost impossible to feel lonely. I just spent so much time tuning in to and validating myself by one specific kind of love, and that is such a waste. 

Now, don't get me wrong, a lady still has to have a spot of fun. I haven't turned into some anti-relationship, I hate men, run away to my cave and never come out kind of person. I'm just done seeking it out and being all assertive-has-to-be-in-control-so-I'll-do-all-the-pursuing Randi. It's all about balance.

I am looking forward to finding that special someone where we will have a kick-ass life and make kick-ass kids, someone that helps me pursue and fits with my goals, instead of keeping me from them. But that will come when it will come. I strongly believe that there is a season for all things.

Right now it's my season to not care about all of that. To focus on me, to be a little more anti-social, to not date everyone and their dog. I've got a lot going on. A lot that I want to work on. And I don't have time or energy for silly distractions. 

It's a weird thing, learning how to be alone. I don't feel lonely because I am blessed with great friends and family, but I'm just by myself a lot more, and that's an adjustment. But I feel like it's such a valuable time of life for me, and what I learn now, I will take with me the rest of my life. Why wouldn't I be grateful and want to take advantage of this time?

And I'm going to be this way until I'm not anymore. I'm going to love being single until I'm not single anymore, and then I'll love not being single. There are pro's and con's to each lifestyle, and one is not better than the other. It's all about how you decide it's going to be. Embrace the seasons, people.

So here's to being single and ready to mingle only when I feel like it! I really do love it, for now.